Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
