I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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