im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
