There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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