haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
