okay pat passed out under dana's car
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
