Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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