so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
