I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Green mimosas i think yes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
