i think my tv is drunk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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