HIV tests are more positive than that guy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
