areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.