Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
