Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
