He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
