Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
