Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
