I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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