there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
