There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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