they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
