Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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