Barsexuality is the new black.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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