I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Randomize
