I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
