last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
