i need an iv and a liver transplant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
