Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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