My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
