i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
