The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
