I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
