Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
this is an emotional support booty call
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
