o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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