let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
