Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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