And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
