FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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