I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
