i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
