I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
