I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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