Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
