I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
