There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
