I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
