This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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