This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
