Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
