I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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