remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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