I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
