Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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