Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
