I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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