you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
