wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
