I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
