is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My life is pants optional.
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