You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
