Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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