Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
