I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
