It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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