we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
