I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
