You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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