Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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